X-mas Edition: What I don't want for Christmas: A Short List

I don’t need much on Christmas to be happy about it.  And sometimes, it’s actually what we do not receive that makes the difference.  Here is what I hope no one gets me:

 1. A PAJAMAGRAM-- For some reason, every time I hear the commercial for “Pajamagrams” on NPR, I get a little angry.  Sometimes, I get so annoyed that I turn the station.  Does this mean there’s something wrong with me?  Probably.  But anyway, why pajamas?  It’s cause it kind of rhymed, isn’t it?   Cause, I mean, you could pretty much wrap anything in an organza box to mail to people as a gift, so, why pajamas?  Best part is, not only can you order it for that special someone, you can order it for their entire dumb heterocentric white middle-class family (token adopted black child sold separately).  If this is what happens to you when you get married and have kids, then no, thank you:   www.pajamagram.com/matchingfamilysets.html

2. BACON OF THE MONTH CLUB MEMBERSHIP-- Ok, www.gratefulpalate.com is actually kind of awesome— if you eat meat.  Visually, I think it’s a lovely website.  And as delicious as it all sounds, as intoxicating as all that frying-bacon-smell would be, it would require killing one too many pigs for my taste.  It’s also a bit on the expensive side.

3.  A COFFIN COUCH-- http://www.coffincouches.com/pages/3005/Gallery.html  In a word:  GROSS.  Many people think these are “cool.”  Good for them.  I don’t want one while I’m alive.

4.  ANYTHING FROM  EBAY’S “EVERYTHING ELSE” SECTION-- This is my fave right now(I mean, seriously, get me something I don’t already have): http://cgi.ebay.com/RARE-Mexican-BLACK-VELVET-PAINTING-of-Joe-The-Plumber_W0QQitemZ350293556649QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item518f1f7da9

Happy Holidays, Friends.